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granvillator's avatar

IDEA:

Rebrand the Bulls as "ReinsCorp" and pivot the company away from basketball and instead offer our customers "Zach As A Service" (ZaaS). It's like Software As A Service (SaaS) except instead of software we charge a monthly fee for Zach LaVine, which sadsack teams are able to rent. Then, they can bench him and immediately become a playoff-caliber team. I see no reason why this can't apply to franchises outside the NBA, in other sports, other countries and even whole other industries.

Example: Electric scooter company BIRD just filed for bankruptcy. They hire Zach As A Service, give him a C-Suite office and then immediately send him on a paid vacation. The company pulls out of its nose-dive and perhaps, after a few months as ZaaS customers, comes up with a new product that doesn't unify drivers, bicyclists and pedestrians in a homicidal fury. Perhaps even social movements and political policy groups in decline can enjoy the benefits of hiring and then not working with Zach and find a pleasant but inexplicable resurgence in their now-unpopular views? After a few weeks as ZaaS customers, the Johnson administration will say "Whoa guys, of COURSE we can't house migrants in tents in the middle of winter on a site polluted with toxic waste!" In another testimonial, Arizona Republicans will pause and then begin selecting normal people for high office, rather than body-painting lunatics wearing pelts and screaming about Nancy Pelosi, George Soros and ley lines. (Just some ideas I'm spitballing. ZaaS is perhaps limitless.)

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Bullini's avatar

How about LaVine/Caruso for Klay/Kuminga? Salaries match and get us a huge expiring + young player. Better than any Lakers trade! I think it improves Warriors title chances but they won’t do it for sentimental reasons.

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