I decided that I wanted to start a running database of long-standing jokes, factoids, and any other "fan guide" type items for commenters here at Blog-A-Bull. South Side Sox has one of these, and it's both a handy resource for people new to the site and kind of a fun read for long-standing regulars.
I'll open by saying that I am not the best person to create this. I'm not an incredibly long-tenured member of the community, nor do I participate in gamethreads. I am, however, willing and able to maintain and continue to update this, so I hope people will be satisfied with the results.
Because I may forget some things, or may have not been around for certain jokes, etc, I urge you all to submit things to me that should be added to this glossary. The best way to do this is to e-mail me (address is in my profile). The more people who contribute, the better this thing will ultimately be.
Alright, here we go. In no particular order.....
1) "Kurt" -- Former Chicago Bulls coach Vinny Del Negro repeatedly referred to Bulls guard Kirk Hinrich as "Kurt". It's unclear whether this was a reflection of Del Negro's poor people skills or Hinrich's forgettable middling play and repeated trips to the well. Speaking of....
2) "Kirk Hinrich is trapped in a well" -- yfbb started using this in his injury reports to reference the many nagging injuries of Kirk Hinrich that kept him out of games from 2012-14. If Hinrich isn't playing due to whatever ailment is currently reminding us all of his perpetual fragility, it's appropriate to say that he's trapped in a well.
3) "National TV Kirk" -- Kirk Hinrich, for whatever reason, put together a string of his best games on national TV over the past two seasons, in an apparent effort to bias mainstream media outlets into thinking that he's useful and that the Bulls weren't totally crazy for continuing to put faith in him. If a game is being nationally televised, people will joke that Hinrich will probably stray from his usual sucking and have a good game.
4) "ok" -- We here at Blog-A-Bull are an argumentative bunch. We'll take people to task for minor points and jump on people who put inaccurate things in their comments. But if you post something so reprehensibly dumb that it doesn't merit any serious response whatsoever, a commenter may reply with the dreaded "ok", the harshest response known to BaBers. One "ok" is bad enough. If four or five people feel compelled to drop an "ok" on you after a comment, you probably just compared Tom Thibodeau to Hitler or something.
5) Jimmy's PMW Shirt -- Jimmy Butler was once photographed (NSFW - language in large print) with a shirt listing what one might assume are three of his favorite things. If a commenter lists them in sequence, it's a reference to Jimmy Butler.
6) "MDJ" - Mike Dunleavy Jr.
7) "Ray" - Aaron Brooks initially thought Doug McDermott's actual name was "Ray". Upon learning McDermott's real first name, Brooks kept calling him "Ray" anyway because "he's a rookie, he doesn't really have a choice." Ray is used in a negative connotation when referring to McDermott, as opposed to his more upbeat BaB nicknames of "McShooty", or "Shooty McNickname". But please, anything except "Dougie McBuckets". That's so college.
8) "The Booze News" - Carlos Boozer was a tremendous disappointment for the Chicago Bulls, primarily due to his malfunctions on defense. He was also a great teammate that yelled a lot (see below) and was good for plenty of funny moments. Well, to keep the great moments coming after Boozer's departure, BaB contributer and SB Nation superstar Ricky O'Donnell puts up "This Week in the Bulls" columns, which include a section entitled "The Booze News" (a play off of Stacey King's "get on the Booze Cruise"). This section recaps stupid or funny things that Carlos Boozer has done recently. It is a tremendous favorite among readers, but the updates have been anything but weekly lately. It is therefore appropriate to bug Ricky on Twitter about it, or make comments that we need a "Booze News" update.
9) "Grab that Jo!" "Gimme Dat!" -- These are things that Carlos Boozer used to yell when the Bulls were rebounding or going after loose balls. They still are referenced every so often whenever his name comes up.
10) Marquis Teague's Twitter Feed -- Chapstick enthusiast and former Bulls reserve guard Marquis Teague sometimes drops in on Blog-A-Bull, inserting random nuggets of wisdom here or there in the form of previous tweets when the situation merits. Teague's Twitter feed is unique and fitting for this purpose because many of his messages appear to be directed at no one in particular, do not comply with even the loosest standards of English syntax, consist of approximately 32 percent spelling accuracy, and are often complete and utter nonsense. He makes Derrick Rose look like a Rhodes Scholar.
11) "#DerrickRoseSaysStuff" -- This hashtag has been adopted by Blog-A-Bull leadership, and is applied whenever Derrick Rose says anything weirdly cryptic or totally bizarre to the media, which happens more often than we'd all like
12) "#FredClearedHim" -- Former longtime Bulls trainer Fred Tedeschi had a recurring habit of clearing players to play when they were obviously injured or not fully recovered. The most egregious incident was Omer Asik being cleared to take the floor in the playoffs against the Miami Heat in 2011 with a broken leg, but many reasonably question whether he should share blame for players like Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah breaking down in past seasons. This one isn't referenced all that often anymore now that Fred is no longer with the team, but there's allusions from time to time.
13) "Kirk Hinrich's House in the Area" -- The cursed structure that has made Kirk Hinrich's re-signing with the Bulls (twice) such an inevitability (in addition to the organization's irrational love for him, from Thibs all the way up to Reinsdorf). Charlotte supposedly bid higher for Hinrich coming into the 2014-15 season, but, you know, Kirk has a house in the area....
14) "Kyle Korver's Trade Exception" -- Kyle Korver, since leaving the Bulls, has further evolved into a monster on offense. The Bulls traded him away for cash and a trade exception that wasn't used. This happened a long time ago, but some people still can't let go of this one. Just remember that when referencing this, everybody gets one. It's too painful to merit repeat mentions.
15) "More Than Enough to Win" -- This phrase was championed by Tom Thibodeau during the 2012-13 season, and was typically brought up whenever the Bulls were taking a severely depleted roster to battle. If a handful of Bulls players have a bum leg, or are puking in garbage cans, or are in the hospital, the Bulls will be fine, because they always have more than enough to win.
16) "Fuck Rondo" -- In the 2009 playoffs, noted dolt Rajon Rondo committed two serious crimes against the Bulls. First, he smacked Brad Miller in the face with the game on the line as Miller was going for a lay-up. It was ruled a non-flagrant foul, and Miller was clearly affected by the blow and missed his free throws (costing the Bulls the game), followed by getting stitches. He then pushed Kirk Hinrich into the scorer's table, kind of out of nowhere. Rondo has been hated by the Blog-A-Bulliat ever since. Since then, people have randomly inserted "fuck Rondo" in places, often the first comment of new threads, and there have been many easy offshoots of this, inserting other players in place of Rondo (Dwyane Wade and pre-injury Paul George received quite a bit of the ire). It frequently goes green even though it's not funny anymore, but this is BaB, and hate abounds on BaB. Speaking of...
17) "Place of Hate" -- I don't have the exact link handy, but yfbb infamously greeted a newcomer to the site with something to the extent of "Welcome, but this is very much a place of hate." This is typically busted out whenever a new person starts commenting on the site, or if people are doing dumb things, like showing appreciation for one another or getting along.
18) "GIF Party" -- yfbb generally forbids gifs in the comments, but when the Bulls do something awesome, like get a huge playoff win or bust LeBron's gigantic winning streak or something, he will declare a GIF party and allow an onslaught of hilarious, distracting, rec-inducing, internet-speed-reducing GIFs. The best ever declaration of a GIF party was from when the Bulls defeated the Nets in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals in 2013. I highly suggest you click that link for either important informational purposes or nostalgia.
19) "Big Macs" -- THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT REASON TO ATTEND A BULLS GAME!!! No, but seriously, if the Bulls win a home game and score at least 100, everyone in the stands gets a hamburger, and about 2% of people probably actually redeem it. Nonetheless, people cheer for it like it's more important than getting the win itself, which is annoying to some and awesome to others. Which camp are you in???
20) "Mike from Illinois" -- Mike from Illinois is this guy who in past seasons, posted really interesting statistical facts in recap threads that compare the Bulls' performance in different ways to history, to put what we just saw into context. These were great and widely appreciated. However, he now only appears sporadically, and he gets referenced now and then when people bust out stat facts from the game. You are missed, Mike from Illinois.
21) Thibs is a Batman Villain -- Tom Thibodeau has such an irritable, serious demeanor that it's super creepy whenever he actually smiles. A pretty apt comparison was made to The Joker from Batman in this photo. Thibs' nose, build, and occasionally hand gestures conjure up images of The Penguin as well.
22) "FREE [bad player]" -- This is an oft-sarcastic cry for a terrible player at the end of the Bulls bench to get more minutes. Commenter chapuforyou notably went a little nuts with this in the 2013-14 season with Erik Murphy.
23) "Financial Champions" -- Per slowmotion's comment below, the Bulls continue to lead the league in profits due to the legacy built by the 90's championship teams and the front office's acute awareness of the luxury tax rules, which often obviously guides decision-making. It is joked that the Bulls are trying (and succeeding) to win "financial championships" when the team makes a move that is clearly far more geared towards saving money on taxes than putting the best possible team on the basketball court.
24) "M2GWCDAS" -- Shooting guards in the NBA are terrible! It feels like prior to Jimmy Butler's emergence this season, the Bulls haven't had a good two-way guard in that position since Michael Jordan. The Thabo Sefoloshas, Ben Gordons, Kirk Hinrichs, Keith Boganseses, and Ronnie Brewers of the world didn't quite cut it, but with a dearth of good shooting guards around the league, it seemed like quite the impossible fix. Who would be our Mythical 2-Guard Who Can Defend And Shoot? Who would be our "M2GWCDAS"? Thanks to NormVanBeer for contributing this, who also below mentions that there are various alternate iterations of this acronym.
25) "Muffin Top" -- This one is simple. Jimmy Butler's hair is often in the form of a muffin top, so it's used in reference to him.
26) "They had no dunks" -- In 2010, the Bulls played the Cavaliers in the first round of the playoffs, a team featuring LeBron James and a washed-up Shaquille O'Neal. It did not go well. Coaches, however, are charged with putting a positive spin on things in huddles even when the team is getting blown out. When trying to list some positives during a halftime meeting, former Bull stalwart Luol Deng said "they had no dunks". This was entirely false. Bulls head coach Vinny Del Negro paused for a good few seconds and looked extremely confused at the statement, but then said "good point, Lu" anyway. This phrase can be used sarcastically any time the Bulls are getting destroyed, regardless of whether it's true or not, of course. (h/t poker_punker, Tyler Soze, and TheHungarianJordan)
27) "That's all that matters, yo" -- Carlos Boozer again! This famous, ill-fated quote comes from after the injured Bulls lost the series to Evan Turner and the 8th-seeded Philadelphia 76ers in 2012 after Derrick Rose tore his ACL in Game 1. Here is the exact quote
"I thought I played well, especially with the kind of season it was," Boozer said, when asked to assess his second season in Chicago. "We had the best record again in basketball, won our division again, had the top seed again, that's all that matters, yo."
So, this phrase can of course be used either to insult someone who overemphasizes unimportant past successes, or in jest to joke about minor victories, e.g., "The Bulls lost due to sloppy play early in the game, but they fought hard and made the game close in the fourth quarter. That's all that matters, yo."
28) "No Bulls fault" -- Per yfbb, some lunatic from more than 5 years ago was trying to absolve the organization of blame by listing off a series of unpopular decisions and claiming "no Bulls fault" for each one, under the incorrect impression that the team didn't have a choice. It is used sarcastically when the Bulls' brass tries to pass the buck on a decision that looks questionable or downright bad by claiming their hand was forced by a constraint (financial or otherwise) that is out of their control.
29) "Executions" -- Also per yfbb, an "executions" ritual took place during the summer of 2010, which many may remember as the time during which LeBron James made "The Decision" and went to Miami, disappointing a number of other suitors, including the Bulls. The circumstances brought out a bunch of crazy commenters, and as a result, yfbb had to issue a lot of public warnings and even set up polls for users to vote on who would/should receive the banhammer. Executions have not been resurrected since, but occasionally some users become disruptive enough that there are cries for them to come back.
30) "Streakbusters" -- The Bulls seem to have a knack for ending teams' huge winning streaks, such as that of the Heat in 2013 or the Warriors in 2015. This has given rise to a bunch of Ghostbusters-related photoshops and puns in the comments surrounding those events. This is sure to get brought up again the next time the Bulls are up against an opponent that hasn't lost in awhile.
31) "Why can't I [xxxx]?" -- In a press conference prior to his [first] MVP season, Derrick Rose famously asked the question, "Why can't I be MVP?" It was remarkable to see him back up that question with a season that Bulls fans have been dreaming on for what feels like forever, and now you can spin that quote off how ever you like! "Why can't I be an olympic gold medalist?" "Why can't I date Kate Upton?" "Why can't I ride a Pegasus to the moon?"
32) "weeun" -- Hooked on Phonics dropout Derrick Rose never could quite get past the lesson in which they taught how to pronounce a short 'i'. Fortunately, he is very good at basketball and was able to become a success in light of that little snag. That doesn't mean that it wasn't still amusing to hear him try to pronounce the opposite of "lose" in Bulls promotional commercials in the pre-ACL tear days.
33) "We are the 1.7%" -- "We are the 99%" became a rally cry of the Occupy Wall Street movement in the early part of this decade. The Bulls had a 1.7% chance to get the right to pick Derrick Rose in the NBA draft lottery back in 2008. Mash 'em together. Now, the 1.7% gets to gang up on the 98.3%.
34) "Humblebot" -- This is in reference to Derrick Rose, particularly in his more innocent days. He was one of the game's greatest players, yet seemed to have his ego in check. His quotes to the media were always boilerplate, team-first, selfless, monotonous, and possibly pre-programmed. Although humblebot eventually evolved into #DerrickRoseSaysStuff, we'll never forget his roots.
35) Neil Funk -- Neil Funk is the former radio and current TV play-by-play man for the Chicago Bulls. Although he can be very sarcastic and get in pretty sweet digs at opposing players, he is not widely liked around these parts due to the fact that he often can't actually see what's happening on the basketball court, a significant and base prerequisite for performing his job. If you like Neil Funk, it's probably for the best to keep it to yourself around these parts. #groupthink
36) "Thibs Dust" -- This is the magic powder that Thibodeau keeps in his pocket. It turns fringy guys like D.J. Augustin, Nate Robinson, John Lucas III, Aaron Brooks, and the like into powerful offensive weapons. The Thibs Dust wears off when said player distances himself from Thibs by joining a different NBA team. The Thibs Dust is a revered power and constitutes one of the Bulls' most significant competitive edges. It has yet to be banned by the NBA.
37) "Haunting the UC Basement" -- Applies to borderline D-leaguers that frequent the back of the Bulls' roster, these guys are said to be haunting the basement of the United Center while not actively rostered. The disembodied spirits of Chris Richard and Mike James are seemingly perpetually haunting the UC basement until they are summoned back into their human bodies to sit on Tom Thibodeau's bench. Lou Amundsen also used to haunt the UC basement, but a weird phenomenon happened with his planes of existence and now he starts for the New York Knicks.
38) "It's fucking irritating" -- In January of the 2014-15 season, Derrick Rose got fed up and got strangely vocal about the lackluster effort given by the Chicago Bulls. The exact quote:
"We're quiet when we're out there, and it's leading to them getting easy baskets. We got to give a better effort. It seems like we're not even competing, and it's fucking irritating."
Many felt like this quote was a good thing for Derrick to say, as it seemed he was stepping up as a vocal leader. Others criticized Derrick in response for his own lackluster effort on defense during the games preceding the quote. In any case, this made a lot of waves, and saying "it's fucking irritating" in response to stuff is now a thing.
39) Kate Upton -- Tom Thibodeau once dropped a very well-timed joke about dating Kate Upton in a press conference. It is now a running joke that the two are canoodling, or have canoodled. Justin Verlander was unavailable for comment. He also probably doesn't read Blog-A-Bull.
40) "Pargo" -- Once upon a time, there was this Bulls player named Jannero Pargo who would either come into games and be awesome or completely shoot the Bulls out of it. He is the type of player that could have really used Thibs Dust, but sadly never got the opportunity to play for Thibs. In comments, acquiring Pargo is always the solution to all of the Bulls' problems, particularly when they can't shoot. Now, he's a 35 year-old journeyman who bounces around the league and was just waived by the Hornets and nobody lived happily ever after. The End.
41) KC Johnson Bucket of Cold Water -- Chicago Tribune Bulls writer K.C. Johnson is known for poo-pooing any Bulls trade rumors swirling about while never reporting any himself. This prompted user Got 'Em Coach to put together this picture illustrating K.C. Johnson dumping a bucket of cold water on a Bulls fan, years before it was cool to do so to help stamp out ALS. If there are any burning hot Bulls rumors in the wind, K.C. Johnson will be sure to be there to dump a bucket of cold water all over it.
42) "Basketball Decisions" - This one goes hand-in-hand with "financial champions". As mentioned above in #14, Kyle Korver was traded away for cash and a trade exception, and this was justified as a "basketball decision", when it was clearly more motivated by "financial championships". "Basketball decisions" is used sarcastically whenever the Bulls make a move that is obviously not geared towards putting their best team on the floor.
43) "The Bogans Plan" -- Tom Thibodeau's use of Keith Bogans was pretty hilarious when he was on the Bulls. It was one of the deepest rosters in recent memory, and Keith Bogans was the starting shooting guard above superior players in Kyle Korver and Ronnie Brewer. Bogans would play the first 7-8 minutes of each half and then be chained to the bench for the rest of it. While odd, it was Tom Thibodeau's way of giving Bogans the lowest-leverage minutes in the game. When a player gets used in this fashion, they are on the "Bogans Plan".
44) "Entitlement Minutes" -- It is said that Tom Thibodeau has a preference for veteran guys who fully buy into his system and earn his trust by doing the little things right, like hustling and rarely missing defensive rotations. Often times, this results in a less qualified veteran getting more playing time than a more talented young player that's less polished. As of February 23, 2015, Kirk Hinrich is leading the league this season in entitlement minutes with 1,207.
45) "You can be a fool if you want to" -- In December, 2013, shortly after his meniscus tear costed him the remainder of that season, Derrick Rose addressed the media regarding people expressing doubt that he could regain his former elite level of play. His reply? "You can be a fool if you want to." This has been just one of many sound bytes provided by Rose about his seemingly perpetual recovery from knee problems, but it's arguably the funniest. Plus, it's easy to insert into conversations, so it's quite meme-able.
46) "flyku" -- Commenter flyguytime appeared during the 2014-15 season. His comments typically consist of three lines of haiku-esque commentary, though this is unintentional, as the syllable pattern never follows the correct 5-7-5 pattern. Nonetheless, his random "nuggets of wisdom" in odd 3-line format has become commonly referred to as a "flyku".
47) "Hoibergo" -- Fred Hoiberg's offense is supposedly about spacing, shooting, and pace. So, when the Bulls send a lineup of bench guys out there that are ill-suited for that strategy, it is called a "Hoibergo" lineup, as if a Fred Hoiberg impostor put it on the court. The joke is a play off of the "Senor Spielbergo" knockoff of Steven Spielberg from The Simpsons.
48) Muppet Gar / Muppet GarPax -- There's a pretty great photoshopped picture of Gar Forman looking like Bert from Sesame Street:
So basically, anytime you see a picture of Bert & Ernie or a reference to them, the commenter is referring to Gar Forman and John Paxson.
49) "Floyd" -- Freudian genius Dr. Silverstein (accidentally?) dropped this gem in a comment when trying to refer to current Bulls coach Fred Hoiberg. He instead called him "Floyd", possibly because he was understandably confusing Fred's first name and the last name of former Bulls disaster-show coach Tim Floyd. It is appropriate to refer to Fred Hoiberg as "Floyd" in a derogatory way.
50) "Younger and more athletic" -- Professional liar Gar Forman used this phrase to describe the direction he wanted to take with the Bulls during 2016 free agency. He followed up that statement by using two of his three most significant offseason moves to acquire old farts Rajon Rondo and Dwyane Wade to soak up heavy minutes as the Bulls' starting backcourt. "Younger and more athletic" is now used in jest to describe the composition of the 2016-17 roster.
So, let's keep adding to this! Shoot me some notes with more ideas to include here. Also -- like I mentioned above, I'm not as long-standing as some community members here, so please explain the joke/reference/whatever in your e-mail or comment to be safe. A reason that I might not have included something is that I might not "get it".