[UPDATE by your friendly BullsBlogger, 6:08 PM CST: Jimmy Butler and David Lee are both playing tonight ]
[Thanks to Uncle Stanley McGoober for today's game preview -yfbb]
Coming off a win last night against the Atlanta Nosedives, the Bulls take on the Golden State Warriors who make their lone trip to the United Center this year. The Warriors, as we all know, are a exciting young team featuring an exciting up-tempo offense and an exciting [potential?] superstar in Steph Curry. All this talk of "excitement" made me wonder why I'm not incredibly excited for this game. Shouldn't I want to watch the Bulls take on a team whose outside shooting prowess so perfectly represents the "new NBA"? That's when I realized, the reason I'm not pumped for this game is because I kind of like the Warriors and the way they've maintained a sort of "chippy underdog" status in the loaded Western Conference ever since they upset the Mavs in the 2007 playoffs. But THIS MUST END now. The Bulls must destroy the Warriors tonight if they wish to achieve maximum 3-seed glory. And thus, I will devote the rest of this preview to convincing you all that the Warriors are, in fact, pure evil.
The Splash Brothers: Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson's nickname sounds delightful, but don't let all these cuddly nicknames fool you. "Splash Brothers" and "Golden State" are both intended to make you think of this team as a cheery group from sunny California, the land of pool parties and summer fun. WRONG. This team is from Oakland. There is no fun in Oakland. Every time you want to think of the Warriors as something appealing, just remember that the Warriors LITERALLY PLAY NEXT DOOR to the Raiders. Ha, "Golden State" you thought you had us fooled!
Curry and Thompson are quite prolific from 3. They have made more 3s this year than the entire Bulls team (338 vs. 336, see basketball reference). The 2 combined for 53 points in the Bulls' 102-87 loss in Oakland earlier this month. But to know why they are evil, you must think back to 2009. That year, Curry was drafted in June, and one month later the Warriors decided Curry's 3-point shooting ability warranted trading away a previous sharp-shooting 1st round pick to the Raptors. Who was the victim of this injustice? Why, our very own hero, Marco Belinelli! How dare you lead to Marco's ouster, Splash Brothers! How dare you! Judgment: Evil
Andre Iguodala: Iggy only put up 7 points on 3-10 shooting in his last game against the Bulls. But that game had a Jimmy Butler, who may still be out with bruised ribs. Iggy's per game scoring totals are way down this year (9.6 PPG), but he's actually shooting a higher percentage from 3 and overall than his career numbers (35 and 47 percent respectively). So, it seems like Iggy has become a more efficient team player and is deferring to his younger teammates this year, that doesn't seem so evil, does it? WRONG, of course he's evil. Just look at how he reacted to Richard Sherman's famed post-game interview. Yes, he claims these tweets were misunderstood because he has a dry sense of humor. But just claiming something doesn't make it true. You could claim that Joakim Noah isn't the best center in the league, but of course that would be a blatant lie. Judgment: Somewhat Evil
Andrew Bogut and David Lee: You may be thinking, "But Uncle, poor David and Andrew had to suffer all those years on the Bucks and Knicks floundering in the Eastern Conference! Shouldn't we at least take pity on their souls?" Nay, I tell you! Lee has missed the Warriors last 2 games with the flu, although he might play tonight. Bogut is back after missing several games due to a reaction to a cortisone shot. Missing games for the flu and because of reactions to medical procedures? What a bunch of arrogant, lazy bums. Real men tough it out and play through illness no matter what the consequences (good riddance Lu!). Judgment: Sickeningly Evil
Mark Jackson: His team is coming off wins against the Nets and Pistons. And he generally seems like a nice guy despite his annoyingly society-permeating catch-phrases. (Essentially, he's a more successful Stacey King; imagine if "Gimme the Hot Sauce" became as widely used as "hand down, man down"). But, as it turns out, George Karl thinks Mark Jackson is an evil cheater. I rest my case, America. Judgment: Preposterously Evil
Bench: Last but not least, the Warriors recently acquired Steve Blake for Kent Bazemore and Marshon Brooks. Blake has only made 5 shots in 3 games for the Dubs since being acquired from the Lakers. But you just know he's been diabolically waiting for this matchup with the Bulls to prove that he is more than just a
"Poor" "Less-Profitable" Man's Kirk Hinrich. Judgment: Disgustingly Evil
Prediction: With Lee possibly out and Bogut still possibly under the weather, I predict big things for the Bulls front line. Taj put up 26 in these 2 teams' last meeting, although Boozer was out for that game. But, if Jimmy can't go, I see the Warrior's guards outshooting Snell and the recently cold DJ Augustin. Warriors 108-Bulls 99.
Check out Golden State Of Mind for more info on the devil incarnate. Go Bulls!