There's an unwritten rule at every website that states the arrival of the NCAA Tournament must lead to various gimmick brackets -- be it craft beer or mascot fights or movie sequels. I took it upon myself to make a Bulls-themed bracket full of memes, bad jokes that have been beaten to the ground and a few tangible things from this season that actually happened. You can question the logic behind this, but you can't argue that watching the Bulls play basketball is more enjoyable.
Here's a look at the full bracket. Don't worry, it's blown up by regions below:
(Yes, that's as good as I could get it with my 'read only' version of Excel. Someone can feel free to make a better one.)
Let's get right into it.
First round, Dickey Simpkins region
1. "More than enough to win with." vs. 16. Playing time for Vladimir Radmanovic
Winner: "More than enough to win with" -- Has more than enough to beat Vlad Rad with, at least.
2. Kirk Hinrich's house in the area vs. 15. Kirk Hinrich stuck in a well
Winner: House in the area. Tough matchup for the well, running into the tournament's scariest two-seed. Could have been a promising sleeper.
3. Kyle Korver's trade exception vs. 14. Lou Amundson
Winner: Trade exception. Never forget.
4. Thibs freak out vs. 13. Nikoka Mirotic stats
Winner: Mirotic. Thibodeau's freak out was great, but Mirotic is one of this franchise's few reasons for optimism.
5. Noah finger guns vs. 12. Noah jazz hands
6. Ben Gordon nostalgia vs. 11. Tyrus Thomas nostalgia
Winner: Gordon. Does anyone go Ty Rise here? YFBB?
7. "www dot my face dot com" vs. 10. "I like my meatballs spicy"
8. Boozer dunk vs. 9. Boozer scream
First round, Jud Buechler region
1. "Don't skip steps" vs. 16. 3-0 vs. Knicks
Winner: Still not skippin' steps
2. Beating the Heat vs. 15. Paying the luxury
Winner: Heat. WILL THEY EVER LOSE AGAIN?
3. Joakim Noah triple-doubles vs. 14. Deng in the Olympics
4. Losing to the Kings by 42 vs. 13. Losing to the Bobcats
Winner: Kings. Without DeMarcus Cousins!
5. Amnesty Boozer vs. 12. Marquis Teague's mustache
Winner: Amnesty Boozer. Could be a fan favorite.
6. Missing Omer Asik vs. 11. Preseason Nazr
Winner: Omer. Collectively, we're still only about 20 percent over this, yes?
7. Taj dunks vs. 10. Taj blocks
8. Luol Deng's long twos vs. 9. "Jimmy is not impressed"
First round, Norm Van Lier region
1. Deng and Noah making the All-Star Game vs. 16. The "yeah, baby!" Austin Powers soundbite played at the United Center.
Winner: Deng and Noah -- but it's close.
2. "Fred cleared him" vs. 15. Playing without Rip/Kirk/Taj/Rose
Winner: Fred. He could clear his way to the Final Four.
3. The emergence of Jimmy Butler vs. 14. Bulls playing hard ball with Marquis Teague's rookie contract
Winner: Jimmy -- much as I love a prime example of the Bulls being cheap assholes.
4. Jimmy Butler earning "Kobe stopper" vs. 13. Luol Deng's torn wrist ligaments
Winner: Kobe stopper. Don't forget about the fadeaway, either.
5. Marco as crunch-time point guard vs. 12. Kyrylo Fesenko
Winner: Fes. Upset alert!
6. Rose's burning hamstrings vs. 11. Rose pregame dunks
7. Good Nate vs. 10. Bad Nate
Winner: Good Nate. Bad Nate had to winner a play-in game against Rusty LaRue just to get here.
8. Deng plays 45 minutes vs. Noah plays 45 minutes
Winner: Noah. It's totally uncalled for, potentially dangerous and downright stupid, sure, but at least we don't have to look at Nazr.
First round, Brad Miller region
1. Cuppy Coffee vs. 16. Green jerseys
Winner: Cuppy Coffee. Mr. Coffee has wheels, staunch fan support and plenty of energy. Tough to beat.
2. Cheering for Big Macs vs. 15. Rose's USA Today interview
Winner: Big Macs. Really, just another loss for 'fans of healthy citizens'.
3. Reggie Rose speaks vs. 14. Marco's "Running sucks" t-shirt
4. Nick Friedell: "Move doesn't put Bulls over the top" vs. 13. KC Johnson's cold bucket of water
Winner: Cold bucket. Isn't there a B-a-B Photoshop for this? Someone post it in the comments.
5. Neil Funk says wrong name vs. 12. Neil Funk unnecessarily mocks opposing team
Winner: Says wrong name. I laugh instead of throw things.
6. Nate's Instagram vs. 11. Rip's Instagram
7. Sam Smith's bad jokes vs. 10. Sam Smith's bad opinions
Winner: Jokes. This was submitted by Jason Patt, of course.
8. Giordano's Pizza vs. 9. Adidas
Round of 32, Dickey Simpkins region
1. "More than enough to win with." vs. 8. Boozer dunk
Winner: This No. 1 seed has more than to reach the Sweet 16 with.
2. Hinrich's house in the area vs. 10. "I like my meatballs spicy!"
Winner: The house that Kirk built. Ooooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooooo.
3. Korver trade exception vs. 6. Ben Gordon nostalgia
Winner: Korver. Close game in the 'lost asset for nothing' department.
13. Mirotic stats vs. 12. Noah jazz hands
Round of 32, Jud Buechler region
1. "Don't skip steps" vs. 9. "Jimmy Butler is not impressed"
2. Beating the Heat vs. 7. Taj dunks
Winner: Heat. Makes me long for the days when Taj would dunk on the Heat.
3. Noah triple-doubles vs. 6. Missing Asik
Winner: JoNo. Asik it gone. Let it go, man.
4. Losing to Kings by 42 vs. 5. Amnesty Boozer
Winner: Amnesty. The Booz Cruise rolls on!
Round of 32, Norm Van Lier region
1. Deng and Noah All-Stars vs. Playing Noah 45 minutes
2. "Fred cleared him" vs. 7. Good Nate
Winner: Fred clears his way to the next round.
3. "Jimmymergence" vs. 11. Rose pregame dunks
4. "Kobe Stopper" vs. 12. Kyrylo Fesenko
Round of 32, Brad Miller region
1. Cuppy Coffee vs. 8. Giordano's
Winner: Cuppy Coffee at the buzzer. Huge bummer for pizzaheads everywhere.
2. Cheering for Big Macs vs. 7. Sam Smith's jokes
Winner: Big Macs. Literally anything beats Sam Smith's jokes.
14. Running sucks vs. 6. Nate Instagram
13. KC's cold bucket vs. 5. Neil Funk says wrong name
Winner: Neal Fünke
Sweet 16, Dickey Simpkins region
1. "More than enough to win with" vs. 12. Noah's Jazz hands
Winner: More than enough to reach the Elite 8 with.
3. Kyle Korver trade exception vs. 2. Hinrich's house in the area
Sweet 16, Jud Buechler region
9. "Jimmy Don't Care" vs. 5. Amnesty Boozer
Winner: Jimmy. Booz is finally gone.
3. Noah triple-doubles vs. 2. Beating the Heat
Winner: Noah. But if the Bulls beat Miami next Wednesday and snap the streak, I'll have to reconsider.
Sweet 16, Norm Van Lier region
1. Deng and Noah All-Stars vs. 12. Kyrylo Fesenko
11. Rose pregame dunks vs. 2. "Fred cleared him"
Winner: Rose. The clearance stops here.
Sweet 16, Brad Miller region
1. Cuppy Coffee vs. 5. Neil Funk says wrong name
2. Cheering for Big Macs vs. 14. "Running sucks"
Elite 8, Dickey Simpkins region
1. "More than enough to win with" vs. 2. Kirk Hinrich's house in the area
Elite 8, Jud Buechler region
9. "Jimmy Butler is not impressed" vs. 3. Joakim Noah triple-doubles
Winner: Noah. Can't wait for a Noah 5x5 entrant next season.
Elite 8, Norm Van Lier region
12. Kyrylo Fesenko vs. 11. D. Rose pregame dunks
Winner: Rose dunks. Bonus points when it's off the left leg.
Elite 8, Brad Miller region
1. Cuppy Coffee vs. 14. "Running sucks"
Winner: Coffee. Roll tide.
2. Hinrich's house in the area vs. 3. Noah triple-doubles
Winner: Hinrich. Noah got stuck in the well!
11. Rose pregame dunks vs. 1. Cuppy Coffee
Winner: Coffee. If he can beat Dashing Donut and Biggie Bagel, he can take out a dude with one good ACL.
2. Kirk Hinrich's house in the area vs. 1. Cuppy Coffee
Winner: Crown him.
Who's your favorite sleeper? What's your Sweet 16/Final Four? Put it in the comments!
Ricky O'Donnell is an assignment editor at SB Nation. Email at firstname.lastname@example.org.