Chill Out People!!!!!

Derrick Rose missed Saturday’s practice. He missed Saturday’s practice!! HE MISSED PRACTIE!! He HATES us! He’s leaving Chicago! He HATES THESE CANS! HE’s SHOOTING AT THE CANS! MOVE AWAY FROM THE CANS! (Thanks Steve Martin!) He’s hanging out with Bat Boy!!! He’s got an alien love child named Le Bron!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Professional speculation from top-notch analysts would suggest you FREAK OUT!

Professional speculation from me, would suggest that you CHILL THE F*CK OUT!

Yes, folks, the frenzy and new age idiocy of the Derrick Rose saga has finally taken the train all the way to crazy town. We have cell phones, satellites, tvs, computers, moving information at the speed of, well, I don’t know, something fast…..a futuristic space information cyber cheetah……it’s all around us, and it consumes us.

We even have tweets and twitter. Perhaps the last sign of our culture’s impending apocalypse. Yes, as human, we can extrapolate any intensely complex situation into a 1 line half sentence accompanied by the most annoying symbol, the hash tag. Well, here is my own hash tag..

#weareallidiots #shouldn’tbeallowedoutsidethehouse #jebushelp

In one reality, we are all so intensely connected to our team, our city, our human pride, that we are willing to throw Derrick under any moving object (a bus is only the beginning) in order to satisfy our desires to see him play, to know he’s ok, to win. To Win.

We want it all. We want it from him. We want it now.

No surprises really, as I teach Sociology for a living. We are taught to be impatient. We get pis*ed when the smallest thing goes wrong; how could you put ketchup on that? HOW? HOW????

But that is our culture. Immediate satisfaction. Immediate answers. RIGHT. NOW.

But I come form a magical time called the 70s. An amazing time, where you didn’t’ think your wife was dead if she didn’t text you every 30 seconds…and actually, it was a relief to be unattached for a while…it helped slow life down. You could drive and be with your thoughts….not your work. You could stay out plate playing in the neighborhood and not have your parents call in a drone strike on you. It was slower, it was simpler, and it was more relaxed. It was more fun. It was more fun.

Today, every person is equipped with the most amazing computer devices, that can do the most amazing things, and they are still unhappy. (And perhaps more pissed off than ever).

Healing takes time. True healing takes time. We hardly understand that, as most of us are sick, and still have to go to work. If we take time for our newborn babies or our health, we could lose our jobs. We are not given time to heal…or enjoy life, so we are stunned when Derrick Rose has that time. When anyone besides us has that kind of time. So we fill that time, with this never-ending new age stream of bullsh*t.

It’s nihilism…and just like in the Big Lebowski……it sounds exhausting. It IS exhausting.

This constant stream of speculation, desire, and $$ moving institutions like the NBA into a frenzy of desire. Desire not to have Derrick back confident and healthy, but desire to have him back, generating the insane amounts of money his presence generates.

And that folks, is pressure. And he folks, is human. And he folks, is 24.

He’s a kid. A man, but yes, still a kid. A multimillionaire, and a kid. A new dad, and a kid. All at the same time. It really seems, as his loyalty is questioned, and his confidence is questioned, and his athleticism is questioned, and the rate at which he is healing is questioned (appalling) that in fact, Chicago Bulls fans are more responsible for betraying Derrick, than the other way around.


Yeah, and my job owes me a raise. And fast food places owe you $$ for health care you will need to repair the poison they served you…and my wife owes me a bl*wjob (many of them in fact) and on….and on.

HE OWES US NOTHING. He owes it to us, if we really care, to heal. To take his time, and do what he needs, to be great again. That is all.

Trade him! Bench him! BURN HIM! He’s a WITCH! Seriously?

IF we could take an outside look at our culture, and how we are socialized to be the people we are, we would have the insight to realize that WE are the ones that need to take a chill pill. We are the ones that need to end our overindulged appetite for destruction (I couldn’t resist, Axel will probably sue me, but then, he’s crazy too).

We are impatient. We are spoiled. We want it now. We are a culture of only children (I should know, I am one).

Derrick however, is making progress. He is taking it one day at a time. He is working hard as hell. He has built muscle, a new approach to training, and he has probably elevated his game, all while we are busy elevating our blood pressure.

Sure, he could say more….but then, we would try and read more into whatever he says. I called for him to shut it down this season, if for no other reason that the ACTUAL Bulls team could play without these distractions, that WE create, which will hurt this team’s focus. We blame it on Derrick…. when WE are to blame. And boy, you had better not suggest that we are to blame, this is also not a culture of accountability.

Yeah, I want him back. But I refuse to say I care about another human, and then try and grind him up when it suits me. I actually am one of the last people on the planet to not own a cell phone. Yes. On purpose. I’ll sign autographs later, and save the (“oh, I wish I could do that, it must be so nice.”) It IS nice…and if you wanted to do it, you could.

But information is a drug for us. The faster we get it, the better the PING on our brain. We are addict. Put your phone down for an hour, for 5 minuets, I dare you. We want more…..More, more, more….


Chill the f*ck out. Loot at the team we love that is on the floor. Wonder about the playoffs this year. Have fun watching the games, even if they are hard to watch sometimes, which is really no different than most years as a Bulls fan, or fan of any other sports……(really Chicago, are you telling me you haven’t learned to put up with losing? I’m a BEARS fan for Christ’s sakes, losing tragically is my version of winning!)

Quit being an accomplice in making this a soap opera, and start embracing the kid, the man, the dad, the player, that we all know will bring joy to us for many years coming. He is our brother. Cast off the shackles of your modern lives, dump the hash tag, and unplug long enough to take a breath and realize, everything’s gonna be alright……Rose, or no Rose…….

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