[Thanks to boyonthedock for today's game preview. GameThread up at 7:08 -yfbb]
Did you guys know that everyone in the NBA is basically Hans Url? I wouldn't be surprised if all the players in league agreed to spend at least one week on the DL this year just to stick it to owners a bit for the lockout. We have all been robbed of the chance to watch Ben Gordon tease us like a burlesque dancer with flashes of his former self. Every one of Rodney Stucky's imaginary fans will also be disappointed. Rose has a pack of Camel's chances at an AA meeting to play tonight. RIP has a pack of Camel's chances at a middle school playground. They might smoke 'em, they might all just pussy out. But those AA guys don't mess around. I may or may not be smoking a cigarette while I write this.
Greg Monroe, or "Moose" as he is sometimes called, is a pretty good center. He can score, he can rebound, and as any Georgetown product should, he can get the assists too. A good player most teams would like to have. But after him the Pistons are just... just terrible. Really unspeakably awful. For comparisons sake, the pistons have 3 players (4 if you want to count Vernon Macklin's 79 minutes. Oh we might as well since we'll count Mike James' 91 minutes) that have a Win Shares/ 48 minutes over .100. The Bulls possess 12 such players. Let's count down the suck!
Tayshaun Prince is old enough to be Taj Gibson's contemporary. His creaky, gangly ass keeps getting trotted out there to suck. He gets his 13 points by shooting no threes and shooting 2's shittily. Not a single bulls player has shot as inefficiently as Tay-Tay has this season. And he's taking the most shots of anyone! Hooray! Also, I just don't like the way he looks. He just looks dead inside, with his jaw hanging open, showing his weird rodent-like teeth. I guess I still have some residual Pistons hate for when their team was worth a damn.
Brandon Knight was the latest lottery pick in a shitty draft. i'm just going to guess he sucks because the whole team does. Checking the stats and... he shoots even worse than Tayshaun! at least he jacks up a 3 every now and then. No one on this team shoots 3's, turns out. they should try it. They are worth more. I'm not going to criticize any of these guys assist numbers, because no one can shoot the damn ball. Going forward, I might use the eye test to evaluate him because his numbers are just... upsetting.
Apparently Austin Daye is starting tonight because of the gangrene affecting other, better players, which is pretty funny because he's just god awful. Shoots like Stormtrooper, and just as often. However, Knight & Daye is just such a fun name for a duo, we might as well trot them out there for the pun-ishment. Hey-oh!
I guess Jason Maxiell or Jonas Jerebko or even Ben Wallace could be starting there too. They have to put 4 guys out there at the beginning, it's the rules. Jerebko is a tolerable player. The other two are as similarly terrible as the rest of the oh my god Wallace is 37. And he still gets blocks at quite a good rate, despite his size and advanced Alzheimers. You don't see many 37 year old hustle guys stick around the league, so cherish this, I guess? Got to find something to look for on the other team.
The Pistons are such an unbelievably terrible team, and one of the guys who are interesting just for former Bulls nostalgia's sake is out. I would be astounded if the Bulls lost to this team. Seriously, just go look at their stats page. It is just laughably terrible. i wouldn't be surprised to hear Neil shit on the entire team (Monroe excepted) since Stuckey is out, who is also not a terrible player. So enjoy a Bulls victory.
Go to Detroit Bad Boys for some synergistic schadenfreude. Ooh, that's some good alliteration.