Wizards @ Bulls: Who are these Wizards you speak of?

What doth mine eyes spy in the distance? Fear! Wizards! A mighty foe has flown across rivers and mountains and plains to engage in battle with the defenders of our pride, the Bulls! Who might these mysterious creatures of spells and magic be? Humans captured by a dark force and forced to labor in obscurity, their kin never knowing when they'll be seen again and when they do catch a glimpse, apparitions on television vanquishing Heat demons, they are unrecognizable, disfigured by a curse of poor play cast by the gun-wielding Hibachi!

Who is that Washington Wizard? Garrett Temple.

This man played with Tyrus Thomas on the 05-06 final four bound LSU Tigers. After four years of college, he was undrafted in '09 and received an invite to Rockets training camp. Since then it's been quite a journey.

Rio Grande Valley Vipers --> Houston Rockets --> Sacramento Kings --> San Antonio Spurs --> Rio Grande Valley Vipers --> Erie BayHawks --> Milwaukee Bucks --> Charlotte Bobcats --> A.S. Junior Pallacanestro Casale --> Miami Heat training camp --> Erie BayHawks --> Reno Bighorns --> Washington Wizards

Last night, in his 55th career NBA game with his 6th NBA team he keyed a victory over the Orlando Magic. This Bradley Beal quote from the Bullets Forever recap sums it nicely.

"Garrett's more so of a point guard. He sees the floor, wants to pass first and get guys open, but at the same time, he can knock down the shot," Bradley Beal said. "He gets everybody involved, and he's one of our best defenders."

He's only played two games, but he's their best defender.

Who is that Washington Wizard? Bradley Beal

19 year old Bradley Beal was drafted 3rd overall out of Florida. This shooting guard has shot poorly, played the most minutes of any Wizard, and has accumulated a total plus/minus of -173.

Better than Hinrich at FG% (.350 to .359)? NO.

Better than Hinrich at 3p% (.269 to .350)? NO.

Who is that Washington Wizard? Shelvin Mack

You last saw Mack as the point guard of the 2011 Butler Bulldogs in that magnificent advertisement for pure basketball, the 53 - 41 loss to the Connecticut Huskies. The Wizards managed to draft him 4th (34th overall) in the second round of the 2011 draft. His '11-'12 rookie season was poor, but he had an assist to turnover ratio of almost 3 to 1. He has spent all this season in the D-League and was called up 2 games ago.

Better '11-'12 than Hinrich '12-'13 at FG% (.400 to .359)? YES.

Better '11-'12 than Hinrich '12-'13 at 3p% (.286 to .350)? NO.

Its important to note that the Wizards have been cursed at point guard. John Wall is injured. The players the Wizards brought in, AJ Price (broken hand), Shaun Livingston (poor play) and Blogabull favorite Jannero Pargo (nba worst at everything), have since been sidelined or released. Shelvin Mack and Garrett Temple are filling the gap until either AJ Price or John Wall comes back.

Who is that Washington Wizard? Jordan Crawford

He dunked on LeBron! He's famous for that summer time incident in which Nike reps supposedly tried to corral all the video and destroy it before the dunk could be made public. He was also famously included in the trade that sent Kirk Hinrich, reputation still intact, from the Wizards to the Hawks. Mike Bibby, Jordan Crawford, Maurice Evans and a 1st round pick for Hinrich and Hilton Armstrong (no longer playing). Crawford is the type that can heat up and in the Wizards four wins he's had 27, 26, 22 and 19.

Better than Hinrich at FG% (.411 to .359)? YES.

Better than Hinrich at 3p% (.318 to .350)? NO.

You know these Washington Wizards! Emeka Okafor and Nene

You know these Wizards from better times. Emeka Okafor has always seemed like a player that would wind up on a contending team as an integral role player at some point. He has an expiring contract and might help a team looking for average offense, average defense and average rebounding from a big man.

Nene, after sitting out the first half of this season with an injury, has emerged as the Wizards most potent scoring option. He had 23 and 11 against the Magic last night.

Who are those Washington Wizards? Martell Webster, Cartier Martin, Jan Vesely, Kevin Seraphin

These Wizards are lottery picks (Webster 6th 2005 and Vesely 6th, 2011), a mid-first (Seraphin 17th, 2010) and a former D-leaguer (Martin). Martin suspiciously has a positive plus/minus of 14 for the entire season (19 games and 340 minutes). Him and Nene are the only Wizards with that distinction.

The Wizards have used 17 players and 13 of them have started. When the annual Wizard bomb goes off near the trade deadline these Wizards will be scattered by the blast and carried by the wind to far flung parts of the NBA empire. I hope every player on this team has the opportunity to leave Washington and find out what they're truly capable of without the years of bad actors, Grunfeldian decisions and dispirited environs holding them back. McGee and Blatche have excelled since leaving, proving that positive coaching and teammates with winning habits can make the most of talented players.

Will the Bulls win?

Of course they will. If only because losing to a team like the Wizards would mean a slicing of the arteries while lying in the rubble of the piano dropped on our heads by the Hawks and Rockets and its a fate too shattering to consider as a possibility. The Bulls will win because they will try to win.

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