The Very Best and the Very Worst of MJ Commercials

So... Michael Jordan will soon be enshrined in the Hall of Fame.

We all knew it was going to happen, and apparently that certainty has rendered the ceremony meaningless for some fans (like this blog's own friendly BullsBlogger). Now, I'm not a Bulls fan, but I'll always feel something special for the Jordan Bulls, the first team I loved and the one that taught me to love this great league. I thought this occasion merited a post of some kind - and yet I didn't know what to do. Many far superior writers have waxed poetic about Jordan and his unmatched skills, and you can't type "basket" into Google without stumbling upon a top ten Jordan list.

After some mild brainstorming and reading a comment about it in Matt McHale's Chicago Bulls blog, By the Horns, I decided to simply write a short post about Jordan's best TV commercials. Now, I know there are also already many such lists just a googling away, so why bother? My answer: it was the perfect excuse to spend hours revisiting those great Jordan ads and indulge in some nostalgia. Hopefully you can share some of those feelings by reading it.

So come join me after the jump, for some unforgettable YouTube action:

Jordan, as we all know, is even today one of the most marketed sports figures in history. He has been a major spokesman for Gatorade, Nike, Coke, McDonald's and many others. The sheer number of Jordan commercials produced through the years is staggering, and they span two decades. Choosing the best ones should be difficult, but I doubt you'll find many surprises in this first list. (I used the official titles for the commercials when I was able to find them, and made something up when I wasn't.)

Onwards, we go:

8. Failure. This was first aired after Michael's second comeback, playing for the Wizards. Many prefer to forget this part of Jordan's legacy, since he ultimately failed. I prefer to revel in it, and point out that failure for Michael at that age would probably be unmatched success for any human player. In the ad MJ lists his many failures and mistakes during his NBA career - he had me at "game winners".

7. Be Like Mike. Who doesn't know this one? I have often wondered about the reasons for its success, but you probably don't have to look further than the catchy jingle that stays inside your head for hours. Nearly as addictive as badger, mushroom, snake.

6. Popcorn Tape. I'm not the biggest Steve Martin fan, but this one has so much charm I can forgive his presence. Like in many other commercials -some of which I'll link to later- Michael made fun of his baseball-nightmare of a retirement, having come back to lead the ailing Bulls to a new three-peat. The disguises are perfect, the random interviews to old stars endearing (despite the complete lack of anything resembling histrionics), and it definitely makes more sense than retiring to play baseball. Oh, and 79 points in a quarter? High comedy right there.

5. Is It The Shoes? MJ's signature Nike shoe was called the Air Jordan. It inspired a series of popular commercials involving Spike Lee as Mars Blackmon basically being as annoying as possible. Somehow, it became a classic, and the best one in the crop is in my opinion this one, where Mars keeps trying to find the source of His Airness's skill.

Also worth watching is one of the newest incarnations of the Air commercials, "Air XX2". In it, an unknown player simply drives a stake through his opponents' and their fans' collective heart with a buzzer beater. If that's not enough, watch Jordan school Santa, or dunk right on Mars' face - and Mars Blackmon, again, reading the Jordan Bible, in a nostalgic piece I enjoyed a lot. Finally, this video shows the evolution of the Air commercials, with interesting outtakes you shouldn't miss.

4. What is Love? fundamentallysound reminded me of this one, and although it's too long to be more than a one-time special commercial (shown during Michael's last All-Star appearance, it seems), it deserves to be in this list. Some great lines, like  "love is taking the air less travelled" and some unintentionally hilarious ones, like "love is wearing new pair every game". Good stuff.

3. Let Your Game Speak. Ah, now we're entering the realm of all-time classics. This one's basically a highlight reel, but with a brilliant twist: Jordan is replaced by normal players of all ages, races and genders. And the players absolutely nail the impersonations (not like Kobe). It even ends on a high note, with Jordan's son copying the famous shrug.

2. Michael vs Larry. To this day the first image that comes to my mind when I think of commercials featuring NBA stars is that of Larry Bird and Michael Jordan playing an insane game of HORSE for a Big Mac in an empty gym. (Compare it to the recent HORSE/GEICO borefest during the All-Star Weekend only if you're not predisposed to sudden bouts of depression.) It's campy, it's 90s, and MJ's outfit is a reminder of all that was wrong with that decade - but it's also timeless.

1. 23 vs 39. Simply the best commercial Jordan ever filmed. It's later 90s Michael versus late 80s Michael. Savvy versus supreme athleticism. Smooth jumpers versus thunderous dunks. It plays on every fan's desire to watch players from different eras playing together, or against each other, and it makes a point to emphasize how Jordan's willingness to adapt his game as his body grew older is one of the main reasons he's probably the Greatest of All Time. It's universally loved, and has some unforgettable lines, like my favorite: "Coulda dunked." "You shoulda dunked."

Good-to-great commercials that didn't make the cut but you might love regardless:

• Banned. When Mike's Air shoes were first released, they were also banned from the league, meaning that Mike couldn't wear them during games. The NBA had a contracts with Converse, and it stipulated that players could only wear Converse shoes in NBA games. Michael always wore his shoes in every game and Nike always paid the fine he was given. Clever.
• Dream. Another ad making fun of his bizarro retirement, showing Mike reflecting on his recent "nightmare". His description of himself as a baseball player is priceless.
• Air Jordan II. The second in the Air Jordan series, I thought it deserved a separate mention. Jordan didn't talk much in those early commercials, and this one shows him dunking to some great beatbox.
• Jammer. Just well done.
• Frozen Moment. Another one of my favorites, back when it was first released. The director does some amazing camera work here, and Jordan's move is one I tried to emulate many times - to less-than-enthusiastic results.
• 100ft Dunk. Ah, Jordan's face when he realizes his predicament sold this one to me. It's the only logical evolution of the Air Jordan concept.
• Heartbeat. Clever, very clever.
• Ha ha haeeee heeea ooo yeaaaaaaaaaaa. Another silent one, but hey.
• Sit With Mike. I'm adding this one because it really would be amazing if Jordan came to sit at your table in McDonald's. Might even help me forget about the no-meat fake hamburgers. The real gem in Jordan's McDonald's commercials is this one, though.
• Rap 23. Great lyrics.
• We Have Already Witnessed. How can I forget about this dig at BronBron?
• Become Legendary. piccolomair reminded me of this one. Pretty damn good, innit? The footage of young #12 at the end is great.

A couple of mediocre commercials that I have to list for some reason:

• Max Headroom. Yes, you read that correctly. It's Max Headroom and Jordan, starring in a Coke commercial. It's not all that good, but anything that involved Max Headroom gets an instant spot on my list.
• Maybe. A bit too heavy-handed for me, but it has a great line at the end: "Or maybe you're just making excuses."
• Tell Me. The language used is a bit clichéd ("disrespect me", meh), but watching Jordan make his signature free throw line dunk at that age makes it unique.

Of course, it's not all roses in this garden. TV commercials are hit and miss to begin with, and when you make as many as Jordan has through the years, you're bound to miss badly a few times.

And he did. Oh, yes he did:

7. Michael vs. Mia. I have nothing against Mia Hamm. I'm sure she was great for her sport and deserves an ad of her own to earn some money. But why create a song with lyrics such as: "Anything you can do I can do better?" "No you can't!" "Yes I can!" "No you can't!" Also, would someone please explain Michael that football (not soccer, you foreigners) is played with your feet? Unless he was supposed to be the goalie, despite the lack of a proper goal.

6. Hare Jordan. Now if there's one thing that Space Jam proved, it's that Jordan and Bugs Bunny aren't good bedmates. Or teammates. But this commercial from around the time the movie came out offers further proof. Now, if you're looking for a Looney Tunes crossover Jordan ad, then look no further than this MCI commercial. It's far better, if only because Tweety says he and Larry Bird "look an awful lot alike".

(By the way, Tweety and hot women? They don't mix well.)

5. Go Inside. So you hired Michael Jordan, one of the most famous athletes in the world, to increase the sells of your cologne. Makes sense. Then when you're shooting your ad you have him... shave his head? Really? Why? If the idea was to show off MJ's ripped body I'm sure there were better ways to do it. And then the slogan comes along: "Go inside." ...I'm not touching this one.

4. Tagless. This is one of Jordan's many Hanes commercials, and they deserve a paragraph of their own. In this one in particular, people have to endure the unforgiving onslaught of itchy tags while Michael looks on quizzically. Finally we get the conclusion from the mouth of the GOAT: "It's got to be the tags." Apparently people are too stupid to cut off the tags of their shirts if they're bothersome, so you need tagless shirts from the get go. Whenever a Jordan ad is made about 50 times better by the inclusion of Jackie Chan (who I love), you know something went wrong.

But Hanes didn't stop there. While there were some successes, like this one where Michael discusses his underwear, or again, now with his dad, a series of newer commercials featuring MJ and a Hollywood star failed spectacularly. The worst of the bunch, for me, is the Kevin Bacon one. Better but not really is the commercial where Matthew Perry and Jordan play some intense pool. Charlie Sheen gave a fair account of himself during his stint in Hanes Hell, but the truly must-watch performance is Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s. His "soft" manhug is borderline creepy, but it reaches a whole new level when he starts wearing MJ's underwear. Don't miss the outtakes - they're worth it.

3. Food Lion. You know a commercial is old when Jordan is described as "Michael Jordan, NBA All-Star". But before Nike, Gatorade and Chevrolet, there was Food Lion.

2. Ball Park Hotdogs. This one tried hard to get the number one spot for worst MJ commercial ever: Jordan keeps winking at the camera, the basketball action seems right out of Dick Tracy and then he simply flies into the air like Astroboy. See it for yourselves:

1. Gentle Treatment. Hair-care products, Michael Jordan, 1986. It happened.

That's all, folks. You can go back to your regularly scheduled NBA off-season, and dismiss MJ's HoF induction at will. Me, I'll go back to YouTube and keep on searching for more Jordan videos, trying to grasp that feeling I experienced when I first saw his Airness elevate for a mighty dunk.

It's worth it.