I knew Vinny was a lousy coach, but I didn't know he was also a comedian

The comments in bold are his from a recent interview with John Jackson of the Sun-Times asking about the veracity of rumors swelling around his potential firing.  The one's in parens ( ) are my interpetation detaling what Vinny was thinking when he made the remarks.  The point is to ask fellow BaBr's if they think Vinny is a keeper or should he be led out of the Bull's Zoo by another of their keepers like Gar Foreman?  I report, You decide. (my apoligies to Fox News).









"I CAN SIT HERE AND TOOT MY OWN HORN (toot, toot, toot, let's all run and shoot) AND DO ALL THAT STUFF (you know, stuff, like they do in a game and stuff) BUT IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING (especially my stuff doesn't do anything but how the hell am I supposed to know what to call when Brad or Kurt or Salmons or Pargo or Lindsey aren't in the game?  They're all veterans, I'm not.  Well, I was but it's different when you're roaming the sidelines like I do, trying to overhear what the other coach is telling his guys. 


All I can say, right before I feel one of my panic attacks coming on is thank God for young Taj.  The announcers and sportswriters tell me he's always doing good stuff and is always in the right place just where he should be, so that's why I play him so much and I know he appreciates it too, because he always tells me "way to go coach", when I call a timeout and stuff like that.  That boy is a real coach's delight.  I would be proud to have him marry my daughter if he wasn't so butt fricking ugly with that shiny bald dome of his and although I love him like my own son, why does he always have to be chewing on that damn mouthpiece?  He looks like The Alien having a miscarriage half the time, but he's a good boy and as long as I'm here, he'll always be my starting PF, Mr. Pouty face Thomas be damned)..   

 I KNOW THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE PLAYERS HAS BEEN SIGNIFICANT (when a reporter asked Rose what plays he ran last year, he said he couldn't remember.  That's my fault.  I probably overloaded his circuits by teaching him everything I knew and nobody can be expected to remember everything they've been told and to be honest, I can't even recall what I told everybody last year either.  But it don't (or is it doesn't) really matter anyway because now with all that experience under my belt and having Kurt to fall back on and tough it out when the going gets tough, I'm no longer sweating it.  Plus, it couldn't really have been too important because I was just repeating what I thought my assistants were trying to tell me, whatever that was.   

They were constantly driving me nuts, always babbling on and on, especially old man Harris who had an attitude, like he knew stuff better than me, like he forgot I was a guard, which is like a quarterback in football, sort of, so who the hell was he to lecture me, his boss no less?  Besides, with both of them yapping at the same time in each ear, I never did figure out what they were saying, especially with all the crowd noise and that junk they used to scribble on my chalkboard.  So as far as I'm concerned, I say good riddance because now I'm in complete control and the results pretty well speak for themselves, not to toot my own horn, like I said before.   

But in all humility, I think I do deserve to be doing a little tooting.  Personally I'm thinking of changing my middle name to Development the way guys like Hunter, Kurt, Salmons, Pargo, Gray and Brad have grown and flourished under my direction. I like the sound of that.  There goes Vinny the D.  Is it D for defense or D for development or just D for Dynamic?  I'll let the fans decide. 

I admit, it hasn't been all Roses (a litle play on words there). I'm pretty disappointed in the lack of progress shown by JJ, Noah, and especially Tyrus, though.  Here these guys are playing in the NBA and yet they expect me to come up with some plays for them and design schemes to help improve their defense.  What the hell were they doing before they got to the Bigs?  It's not my job to babysit a bunch of grown men especially one's that are so much taller than me. 

OK, I know I'm a little taller than Derrick, but big deal.  This guy was the Number One pick in the entire draft so you would think I should be the last person he would need to be coming to for advice and direction.  If anything, I should be able to pick his brain to help me out.  If not, than maybe he shouldn't have been chosen so high.  It was Pax's idea anyway.  I wanted to get a big body like Serge Ibaka but being a rookie coach, nobody listened.  Too bad because its obvious the kid's a slow learner and although it pains me to say this, he's not exactly a rocket scientist, if you get my drift.  Yet I have to take the heat for his screwups. I can only tell him so many times....attack Derrick, attack.  What do I have to do, draw him a picture?  

Screw them and the other malcontents too.  If they want to get better than follow my lead.  Buy "BasketBall for Dummies" and read it when we're on the road like I do, especially the chapter on what to run after a timeout, in fact, especially that chapter so maybe somebody can help me out because I don't know if its poorly written or if it's just me. I seem to have a mental block no matter how many times I re-read it and those diagrams are not only confusing but they're murder on the eyes.  Instead, they'd rather play video games and hang out at the clubs.  I tried to tell the same thing to Tiger Woods at the celebrity golf tournament a few months ago but he didn't listen either. His bad.).  

THERE'S STILL A LOT OF WORK TO BE DONE AND IT'S A PROCESS, BUT WE'RE NOT FAR OFF.  (I keep telling them over and over until I'm hoarse and blue in the face, all you guys need to do to be winners is to man up, be aggressive, attack, show energy, run, jump, box out, defend, post up, screen, rotate, dribble, pass, share, iso, man the paint, create space, hit your J's, hit your 3's, hit your spots, hit your opponents, don't slack off, don't snack prior to games, respect your elders and stuff like that.  It's all laid out in black and white with some colored pictures as well, in the book and I have only 3 chapters left in this process before I fully implement the program so we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel as the book promises.

Actually we do see the light already every time which is coming from the court as we come out of the tunnel, but I don't think that's what the author meant.  Anyway, I'll keep drilling this stuff into them, although I think some of the troublemakers are deliberately tuning me out and they will pay a stiff price for their defiance.  I demand teamwork, unity, togetherness and if I can't get that, than I'll settle for less of those smart ass remarks under their breaths when they think I can't hear them.  And that goes for my assistant coaches as well).  

 IT'S FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO JUDGE. (Most of us have judged you Vinny and we've almost universally concluded that YOU SUCK).     

I JUST GO ABOUT MY BUSINESS AND KNOW HOW HARD I WORK."  (Here's a thought Vinny, regardless of whether you're working hard or hardly working, have you ever thought about pursuing a position in a different business, something more suited to your talent level, like doing commercials for men's hair products or being a US Congressman.  I don't think you could do any worse than the inept clowns currently bankrupting the nation and you're definitely taller than most of them, which you can use to intimidate their sorry asses).

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